Avoiding Suffering Contests:
Ok, so I admit that my hubby and I get into the occasional “suffering contest” where we compete against each other in regards to whose got it the hardest. Whose job is harder, who is the most tired, who does more around the house, who is cleaner, who deserves more alone time… It can be common in relationships and marriage but it’s not really that good for anyone involved. Read about Suffering Contests Here:
All these “contests” do is pit you against each other instead of ensuring that you are working together as a team. After all, that is what partners are supposed to be right? Teammates working towards the same common goal?
Instead of being competitive with each other it’s much better to realize that you are both working your asses off providing for the family, raising the kids, improving the house, cleaning, organizing, getting things done. You are both giving it 100% in your respective duties and instead of comparing why not come to the understanding that you are both exhausted in your own way? Why not appreciate each other for what you do do?
It’s beneficial to get into the habit of really listening to and attending to your spouse (good Lord I sound like a freekin counsellor here.) Ask them how their day was, sympathize with them when they say they are tired and rest the temptation to spew out why you are “more tired.”
Try not to solve their problems or poo poo their feelings as being silly or trivial with comments like, “oh don’t be silly,” “that’s not that hard,” “you’re making something out of nothing,” “It’s not really that bad”….
Check in with your husband or wife constantly, support them, listen to what goes on during their day and understand that you are both giving 100%, that you are both tired and stressed out and in need of time alone and time together and time away from the kids. You are both entitled to a little TLC. Focus on the things that you LOVE about your spouse, what made you fall in love with them in the first place, what attracted you to them.
If all else fails challenge them to a day in your shoes….
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